Coming Out the Closet!!

I got the eye of the tiger, a fighter, dancing through the fire

Cause I am a champion and you’re gonna hear me ROAR

Louder, louder than a lion

Now I’m floating like a butterfly

Stinging like a bee I earned my stripes

I went from zero, to my own hero

You held me down, but I got up

Already brushing off the dust

You hear my voice, you hear that sound

Like thunder, gonna shake the ground!

So lately I had been dealing with what I have dubbed "My Quarter Life Crisis". I kind of lost sight of everything that I once planned for my life. I gave up on trying to have a monogamous, intimate relationship with anybody, I gave up on trying to improve or advance my career, I just kind of gave up and "taking one day at a time" turned into just getting thru one day at a time. I felt like I couldnt move forward and I couldnt move backwards, I had nothing, and I couldnt get out of that rut.

I dont think it really helped that I felt like my family left me hanging high and dry. I have turned into the black sheep I guess. Well more like I'm the alcoholic lesbian in their eyes. It made me laugh the first couple of times I heard it and then it just started to piss me off. Let me tell you, as many times as they've made the "lesbian" accusation because I didnt want to date or didnt bring anyone home to them, I sure wanted to appease the accusation just for fun! At some point I thought I would end up exploring the other side because every guy I encounter is just an asshole looking to get what they want. Some guys were nice A-holes but still A-holes and to be honest I've not found a single guy that is worth giving anything I have to offer. I thought there was at one point but....

Things have definitely improved and I can thank a couple friends for encouraging me to visit my sister and get my "vision" back on life. Being with my sister, brother n law, and the babies certainly helped me to set a new tone and want to get myself together. I came home and decided to stop smoking, started going back to the gym, and cut out drinking for a little bit too. Even though I still go out and drink with friends, I've started doing it less. I've been going for bettering myself because there is much more to me than what I've been putting out lately.

I have been happier and I've thought less and less about some of the heavy baggage I've been carrying around and quite frankly its nice to finally get rid of some of the heaviest bags of all. I've started to get my vision back and I know just the things that I want, whom I want in my life, those who I can live without. I'm thinking about taking some time away and disappearing for a while... that seems to be the only thing that keeps my sanity in tact and keeps me focused on the things that I want most for myself. I have a plan and its about time to get it in motion!