Fixing the Damage

"We all go through life like bulls in a china shop. A chip here, a crack there. Doing damage to ourselves, to other people. The problem is trying to control the damage we've done, or thats been done to us. Sometimes the damage catches us by surprise. Sometimes we think we can fix the damage."

February has been an incredible month. Its hard to believe that it is almost over. I've made some great friends and feel like I'm losing others wayyyy too soon. I know we cannot control fate or the things that happen but I hate when things you can control just dont turn out like you'd like them too. On the other hand, this month has also included me getting a job in a different dept and making advancements in my career. Doors have opened in places that I didnt think were possible and I even got the news that I will be able to talk to Hawaii for a whole other month as his trip has been delayed to Afghanistan. Unfortunately, he cannot come home to visit, he must stay in the state of Hawaii til he moves overseas. September seems so far away but I'm glad the months also seem to be flying by.

Today has been particularly rough because even though I've had the date April 15th embedded into my head, it is just now hitting me that I'm not going to have one of my best friends close by anymore. She'll be leaving for boot camp and then who knows where she may end up after that. It breaks my heart because I will not find another person like her and she is certainly not replaceable. I am starting a travel to Tori fund! haha So as I'm driving back from the mountains it just kinda jarred me and here I was driving down 77 and feeling like my world just caved because shortly after coming to this realization did I get the news that my friend has had a heart attack and in the hospital. She's young and it just brings about the reality that this could happen to anybody and I'm not ready to lose my friends or family this way.

Soooo Victoria and I went on a dinner date to Village Tavern. Its right around the corner from my place and some how I've never been there or heard of it up until recently. The food was amazing but of course the second I walk in I'm already wanting to leave. I'm completely taken off guard by the person standing behind the bar and clearly I came off as rude when he realized too I was there (just to ease the wondering minds, no it wasnt the ex-fiance). Its funny how you react to certain situations sometimes. I've allowed people to treat me like shit time and time again but at some point you have to realize that you are worth more than that. Then again, I am a glutton for punishment and I allow it to happen. If there is anything I've learned over the last 6 months, it's I've got a lot to offer someone and if they cannot see that then it's their loss. I've spent to much time giving into people, listening to excuses, and/or being used as a doormat. In this case, I simply had no idea what to do. When you make plans and then get blown off... not once, not twice, more than 3x... you tend to get a little pissed off. So that is where I was when I walked into this place tonight... Blown off today and not even a courtesy response when I asked twice, 2 days prior and the day prior, whether or not he was still planning to go with me. Of course I'm the overly dramatic one for not being too friendly when I see this kid again! haha Oh well, cant make everyone's day everyday and certainly did not have the energy to entertain someone that thinks so little of me anyways.

My tolerance for BS has dropped. I'm not big on it, I'd just rather it not be apart of my life. Regardless, I'm sticking to my happy thoughts = happy actions/reactions. Work has been a little stressful lately but I only have another week and a half before I move to Cardiology. I'm excited to move forward and ready to settle down for a change. I love where I am right now. Everything seems to be falling into place and is better than I would of thought it would be a year ago, even from six months ago. Just keep on reminding myself of that little flame I'm keeping lit... it keeps me going day in and day out. I've said it before and I'll say it again ... I'm built tough and even when I get pushed passed the point of breaking, I only come out on top! Its the only thing I know how to do!