Fly Away

Sometimes you just need to get out of town, get a new perspective. But you can’t always see that you need a new perspective because well, you need a new perspective to be able to see that. It’s complicated.

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Open your eyes. What do you see? More possibilities? Does your new view give you more hope? That’s the goal. Although, it doesn’t always work out that way. Sometimes a shift in perspective just makes you see what you’ve lost.

I feel like most of us try to make things better - in our mind, in our lives, in society, in the lives of those we love - yet, sometimes we are not able to make a difference where it matters most. Thinking that maybe if we have a new perspective on life, on love, or on friendships something will change but in the end we cannot change everything on our own. A couple months ago I wrote about the toxicity of things in my life that needed to change and it turned out while pushing away those toxins, I allowed more in. I find myself at crossroads that I did not expect to find myself in last year. Who am I kidding though? I did not expect to be at this point 2 years ago or even 3 years ago. It just goes to show how quickly things change. 

I've had to get away on trips to see my family or get away on my own just to keep my sanity. I've threatened to leave NC, to join the Navy, to disappear completely, to be quite honest just get as far away from what my life had become. Things change day in and day out. My mind stays jumbled especially when I lose some of the things and people I care about most because of my honesty and my what-ifs.

Last month my relationship came to a drastic halt. Then again, what should I have expected when his mind changed quicker than his underwear. It wears a girl down after while... as I understand it must be the same for men dealing with a woman like that. So you go from being best friends and saying "I love you" to no communication what so ever. Makes you wonder what was really there. 

Then it dawned on me... What is it that makes this happen? Why is it that people stop fighting for relationships these days? Why doesnt "I love you" mean what it used to? Why do people use each other for a moment and throw you away like you never existed?

Well here is my short answer (It could have been way longer!):

VERY few relationships these days are built on a solid foundation. I was raised to believe that having the same spiritual/religious beliefs were the main focus, however, after the end of my engagement I learned that that may not in fact be true. Building a foundation on solid beliefs that are shared equally among 2 people are really where a solid foundation starts - doesn't matter what those beliefs are in my opinion. When you have no solid foundation in a relationship, you find what really draws you together. Is it the fact that you both cant stay out of the bar for more than 24 hours? In that case, you always have a drinking buddy. Is it strictly sexual? At the end of the day, when you have not picked up another suitor, you know this booty call will be there waiting. Is it possible that maybe you found someone just as lazy as you? So you know you'll always have company. So back to the original question... why do people stop fighting to make it work? Because they simply do not have to! There will always be someone to replace that empty spot - drinking buddy, booty call, easy companion. People these days are so hung up on finding love and are settling for the idea rather than finding that person that they are really meant to be with for the rest of their lives. This only causes pain, grudges, and walls to be built - tearing down the person from the inside out.  People stopped valuing their self-worth and started just simply being EASY. 

Cant say that I've not been guilty of this myself. I went from an insecure, jealous, scared person to realizing my own self worth and pretty much just indifferent to the idea of love. After "The Divorce", yes I still call it that, part of me was destroyed... died you could say. I had no intentions of ever settling down again or wanting to have a family. I was aiming for "Spinster" Status! hahaha  However, again, a year later my mind changed again. Not saying my mind is completely set but I know what I want in a person and I know that there are some pretty big shoes to fill for that person to meet my expectations, so why hold my breath? I have become completely numb to the idea of finding someone worth my time, someone who can handle me, or someone that I could raise a family with one day. I've met that aggressive asshole, I've met the passive aggressive jerk, the official "booty call", and I've met that seemingly perfect guy who sleeps with you and then talks to you enough to keep you around for the possible next time. 

So there comes a point in your life where your perspective HAS to change. What is the definition of insanity? Doing the same thing over and over again and expecting the same result. This is advice for everyone... stop making your self easy. Start working on being the best person you can be and you attract the best kind of person that is meant for you. 

How about those perspectives on friendships? I think it follows along the same line of intimate relationships. I chose to be around people who brought out where I was in my life after my break up. I still find myself surrounded by some of those people and find that the more I better myself the more toxic they are becoming to me. As you develop a new perspective on who you want to be, you learn to surround yourself with people who encourage what is best for you. 

Some friendships are meant to be around for a season while others will last a lifetime. I could count on one hand the people who have stuck by me thru thick and thin while others have/did get bored with me as I stopped dating their friend, started drinking less, stopped going out so much, and changed jobs. I became useless in a sense. For once, I was okay with that. Useless is good when it comes to bad habits. 

While some render us useless, they were once important to us. They were once useful. Sometimes these people come into your life to shake you up a bit. Maybe their sole purpose is to show you the person you dont want to become. Sometimes those seasonal friends are the ones you need to open your eyes to everything around you and clearly pointing out to you all your negative attributes so when you finally learn to grow up then you can see just how far you have come. Then you can watch as they cling on to the next "old you". 

Harsh but very true reality.

Finally, there is your family. The people you expect to always have your back. Some just use you, others actually make sure you're alright, and some pretty much just dont care unless there is absolutely something wrong. We get older, we lose touch, and we become insignificant as we move on with our lives. Some families stay close, some barely speak, and then there are those that are completely non existent. I'm not going to get too far into the family part just because I dont think there is enough time to actually get out everything I want or could say. 

I guess to sum it all up... my perspective is changing on a regular basis. I cannot tell who is coming or who is going anymore. Some of the people that I thought would always have my back are gone, while some I figured would of been long gone are the only ones I depend on these days. I stopped trying to keep up and I am concentrating on being the best person I can be.