When All Good Things Come to an End!

♫♪ There was a time when men were kind

When their voices were soft

And their words inviting

There was a time when love was blind

And the world was a song

And the song was exciting

There was a time

Then it all went wrong ♪♫

I guess its just hard falling out of love with someone. This was supposed to be the last person I ever dated, the last person I kissed, the last person I would ever be intimate with but now I'm having to start all over. I still feel broken no matter how much time that goes by. I've picked myself back up and have been moving forward. I've learned to not let the little things affect me like they used to but the inadequacy I feel just never goes away. If this so called "nice guy" couldnt love me then how is anyone supposed to? I am not a bad person, I give too much in relationships, and yet I still fear every person that walks into my life. I've said it once and I'll say it again - I am fragile, I am broken, I'm a mess; I try to keep it together on a regular basis because behind this smile I am falling apart at the seams. I miss him everyday, I miss what we had, I miss his family, I just miss us. 

but....

Its been a long time coming... I have decided to sell my wedding dress. I have kept my dress in the back of my closet because it has been the dress I've wanted my entire life. That dress was every ideal image I had for the perfect wedding that I would have with the man that I loved. However, its just that... it, the dress, was not just a dress but it is a symbol of my love for a man that didnt have the same feelings for me anymore. That dress symbolized my love, my dedication, my heart and my soul going into becoming one soul and sharing a lifetime with one person. I guess I didnt really want to realize that until I was reminded of it again last night. I've made up every excuse for holding on to an object that ties me to someone that didnt love me. 

Well this is my liberation. 

"Don't wonder why people go crazy. Wonder why they don't. In the face of what we can lose in a day, in an instant, wonder what the hell it is that makes us hold it together."

I'm Not the Same Girl Anymore...

PAIN CHANGED ME!

I've grown up a very independent person. I grew up with the mentality that if you want something done right then you have to do it yourself. There is no relying on another person or group of people to be there for you. That knowledge led me to believe that at a young age I was ready to venture out into the world. I was ready to be a grown up and I relied on no one to make that happen for me. When I struggled, I often struggled alone because in the end I knew I was the only person I could count on. My family could be there for me but they were only aware of once or twice that I ever struggled after I moved away. Struggling became a way of life for me and dealing with it all alone as well. 

In the past couple of years, being a part of a close knit family (the were-gonna-be in-laws), I learned that family should be there for you thru the good and the bad. There is no use hiding behind a smile and trying to fake something with them because MOST of the time, they will be able to see right thru it. Recently I've allowed my family to become closer to me. I've kept myself guarded all these years because, once again at a young age, I learned it was the best way to keep myself from being disappointed. While I still hold my heart captive and it'll be a LONG TIME before anyone will even get close, I have allowed my family to enter a closer circle within me that they have not been able to reach in my 24 years of life. Now a days, I enjoy calling them just to chat and find out about how things are going where before I wouldnt talk to them for weeks --> months at a time. 

I say all that to lead up to the fact that I have spent soooooo much more time with them over the past 6 months than I have in over 3 years. Ma Sophia, Richard, Sam, and Anneliese were there for me when Ryan and I ended our engagement, driving 6 hours to cheer me up and try to help Ryan and I work things out. All my parents were there when I got the worst news of my life after that. When I was ready to give up on life, my little sister was knocking on my door just to come help me unpack a couple boxes and have dinner with me and give me just a little bit more of encouragement. When I just needed someone to cry with on the phone or someone to say I know it hurts but I love you and if its meant to be then it'll happen or someone else will come into your life and show you why it didnt work out... there was my momma & Eric, dad & Ronna and/or older sister! I love being able to find a stronger connection with each and every one of them. Now every time I am with any one of them, I hate to leave or see them go. I crave being with them just a little bit longer. I love wanting to talk/text them just to say hello. I love building up the relationship we should of had so many years ago. 

I have been extremely blessed over the past few months to have the time that I have had with them. Spending this past week with my mom, Eric, and Ava has made such a big difference in my attitude. I can feel my happiness exude thru me attitude towards other people and thru my work. I am happier with them being a part of my life and want that happiness to spread to the people around me. 

You do not understand making it thru these past 6 months is a milestone for me. I almost did not make it thru them in the early months... I was ready to give up, I mean really ready to give up and didnt care how I went out of this world. I lost all hope, all strength, all faith and all of me. I was taking pain pills to keep me from physically and emotionally hurting and was asleep days at a time and drank all the times I was awake until I slept some more. I became very destructive but in the midst of my struggles, I knew I only had a few people still there for me and that was my family and less than a handful of close friends or friends that became closer. It was truly amazing the people who I thought I was close to who disappeared after all the disaster but it made me realize even more how I needed to keep my friends close and my enemies closer. I will never make that mistake again. 

I am looking forward to the new year and planning new New Year's Resolutions. I am going to be thinking more outside the box. While I still want to maintain my healthy lifestyle, I want to also explore a more exciting life style. I want to start planning some actual vacation times for the year like Mardi Gras in February, maybe a Vegas weekend, looking at skydiving, maybe a weekend at a California winery, and definitely more visits to see the family. I guess the first step is getting the ball rolling in my brain and making plans for myself. We'll see how that list turns out in the next 7 days! 

Family

It’s an urban myth, that suicide rates spike at the holidays. Turns out they actually go down. Experts think it’s because people are less inclined to off themselves when surrounded by family. Ironically that same family togetherness is thought to be the reason depression rates actually do spike at the holidays. 

…

There’s an old proverb that says you can’t choose your family. You take what the fates hand you and like them or not, love them or not, understand them or not, you cope. Then there’s the school of thought that the family your born into is simply a starting point. They feed you and clothe you and take care of you until your ready to go out into the world and find your drive.

Family - it has to be the CRAZIEST 6 letter word! Atleast it is when it comes to the family I was born into... we literally put the function in dysfunction. If you think yours is crazy, then you haven't met mine yet! My childhood wasnt the best... tossed between parents every other weekend, the arguments between parents, step siblings/half siblings, I hate you's and so much more but I will say that thru all of those hardships we all certainly came out on top. While you get to spend your holidays with your mom and dad and maybe a brother/sister or two, I get 3 families and lots of siblings and lots of family time and that much MORE LOVE. However, my family doesnt stop there, being alone and spending the holidays alone for so long has allowed me to accept others into my family. I have made friends that have turned into my family and I wouldnt accept them as anything less!

I had the frustrating joy of spending this weekend with my family. We celebrated not only the festive holiday but we were all brought together to celebrate the end of a 4 yr engagement between Shelby and the University of NC - Chapel Hill! Yes, my sister graduated and it was an incredibly proud & bitter sweet moment to see my sister in her cap & gown for the 2nd time! She is such an amazing person with so much drive its almost sickening! ;) Congratulations again Shelby, you continue to make your family (and soon-to-be family) so proud of you! Welcome to the Real World!!!

My weekend started with meeting my sister, Tiffany, on the SC/NC border to pick up my niece and nephew. My sister had to drive for a couple more hours so we made the plan to get the kids out of the car while she made that trek with my brother. The kids and I met up with Tori at the mall and we had dinner before walking around a bit (well Tori and I walked as the kids ran circles around us! haha oh to have that much energy again!) The kids and I made it back home and watched lots of Despicable Me and Megamind ... ITS SO FLUFFFFFFY! The kids both fell asleep in my arms which made Aunt Stephie (thanks to Ryan this is what the kids call me now! haha) melt! Tiffany and Richard made it in late that night with Big Jon.

Saturday we decided to venture to the mall. We spent the whole time in Build-a-Bear it seemed. Inside the mall was a short lived event. It wasnt until we went into the parking lot that the fun really started! Holiday traffic is one thing but Holiday traffic in the mall is a whole other ball park. We pulled out of our parking spot and sat in one row of traffic for a good 30 mins before we realized it wasnt going to move and finally the car behind us had the bright idea to back up to the end of the lane and use the inner lane of the mall circle to get out, so we followed suit. Well of course as we do it, we end up in traffic (where there was none shortly before that) on the inner circle. This is however where it started getting real entertaining. Every mall goer in and out of the mall was having to pass by our vehicle... Richard decided we would start "Spreading Christmas Cheer Loud for All to Hear". Every passerby was greeted with a Merry Christmas, Shalom, You're Beautiful, Have a Good Day, Here Pull Out in Front of Me, and many many more! After about another 30 mins of this we FINALLY get to a stop sign but wait NOW we have to make a left and end up in passing lane after lane full of cars trying to get to the outside lanes to get out of the mall area. So Richard decided to drive all the way to the last one that has to curve around another 2x before we get out i.e. the LONGEST LINE!

For anyone with children, sitting in a vehicle for over an hr and a half... in traffic... 5 month old, 2 year old, 7 year old... and a post prego mother.... that could not end well! So we decide hey, lets get some Christmas tunes on! Now if anyone knows my brother, they also know that he is very charismatic and holds back NOTHING! haha I will never forget going to Eastover Elementary School one year to listen to his Christmas Performance when he sang and at this time Richard had not peaked maturity, no voice change, no little prickly facial hairs... just his little puny baby voice when he started singing though he turned into a man. My brother at his elementary age belted out that song with some bass! haha So of course while we are in the car stuck in traffic the song that comes on the radio was White Christmas and what does he do?? BELTS IT! In his loudest, bass voice, and all sings word for word! Folks about 2 rows over preceded to clap once he finished and it had to be the funniest thing that entire ride. Prior to this, Richard had jumped out to grab something out of the trunk and I stole the driver's seat (I was trying to get out of the mall at some point before dusk!). We finally made it up to the stop sign before we hit the outer loop. People were so timid and scared to inch their way out and it made trying to get out that much harder... FINALLY we were able to catch a break and a car wanted to turn right to get into where we were coming out. I took that opportunity to get into the outer loop however I needed to get over to the next lane and those cars werent budging. Now we were in a big ole Cadillac Escalade... those vehicles are not small by any means. so I am edging my way into the left lane of traffic which means that I am also blocking off the right lane on the outer circle. I think the cars that had been waiting to turn right onto the outer circle were some happy folks... they looked like I just open the doors at an animal testing facility and was letting every one free haha they were flying out of that area as fast as they could before I wouldnt be able to let them out anymore. It had to be the 2nd funniest moment of our time stuck in the parking lot but it made it that much more funnier as my brother, sister and kids were narrating/personifying these cars as they were flying out into the outer loop.

That evening Mom, CD, and Anneliese came in since they too had been traveling all day to get to Shelby's and it was getting late and I was on the way. Now originally plans were for me, Tiffany, Richard, and the kids to have already been at Shelby's Friday since Dad and Ronna flew in that day. Saturday was set aside for the exchange of presents and Sunday was Shelby's graduation followed by Nantucket to celebrate. So we are at Saturday night midnight and none of that had happened yet. Saturday night we decided with Shelby that ok, we are getting up, getting ready and we will exchange presents before heading to her graduation at 2pm. Instead, we were making a walmart run at 2 am and then going to sleep which meant we had a late start the next morning. Tiffany made breakfast and then we all ran around the apt getting ready. One in, One out when it came to the shower, some tushie squeezing, lots of clothes changing, and lots of "don't look this way when you walk out the bathroom". It made for some pretty funny comments to be made that I choose not to share! haha So by this time its 11:30am and we are running out the door in 3 different vehicles to get to Chapel Hill. Ava and I stop for gas before hitting the open road and singing Christmas music all the way there. That girl has my heart!

Some how we made it to Shelby's, I ironed her gown, and we all made it to the ceremony on time where we finally got to see Dad and Ronna! We all got together for dinner along with Shelby's soon to be in-laws and spent some time together before exchanging a few gifts and heading back to Shelby's to exchange the rest of the gifts between us and the kids. At this point, everyone started parting ways.

Now what I really havent shared is all the arguing or frustrating moments of this weekend... and there were ALOT! Who wants to remember those though? Even though my family has their ups and downs, the all out brawls, just the craziness in general... we are all we have and at the end of the day we can hug it out say I love you and get in the car until we see each other the next time. I cannot say how truly frustrating this weekend was but what I can say is I have not been this happy in a while and I couldnt imagine my life with out having each and every one of them in my life. They are my blessing, my lifeline, and my saving grace because at the end of the day I know that they will always be there for me.


I love you guys more than words will ever express and even if we all do not share the same blood, ya'll are nothing short of the best family a girl could ever ask for!

Fairy Tales?

You know how when you were a little kid and you believed in fairy tales. That fantasy of what your life would be like. White dress, Prince Charming that would carry you away to the castle on a hill. You lay in bed at night. You close your eyes and you have complete and utter faith. Santa Clause, Tooth Fairy, Prince Charming…They were so close you could taste them but eventually you grow up one day, you open your eyes and the fairy tale disappears. Most people turn to the things and people they can trust. But the thing is, it’s hard to let go of that that fairy tale entirely because most people have faith that one day, they will open their eyes and it will all come true.

…

At the end of the day, faith is a funny thing. It turns up when you don’t really expect it. It’s like one day you realize the fairy tale may be slightly different than you dreamed of. The castle, well, it may not be a castle. And it’s not so important that it’s happy ever after just that it’s happy right now. See once in a while, once in a blue moon people will surprise you. And once and a while people may even take your breath away.

Every girl imagines their perfect wedding! Their father walking them down in the aisle wearing the perfect gown in the perfect dress to their perfect man at the most amazingly perfect place. Do you notice how many times I said perfect? Yeah, I could go on with several more. Ladies, lets be real here, how many of you actually had that wedding of your dreams? Answer is none. We fail to take into consideration that money may not allow you to have all the things you wanted, maybe your problem is time, could by chance your venue was booked for the next 5 years, or maybe Mr. Right turned out to be Mr. Wrong! So question is... Is it possible to live out that fairy tale anymore? Ladies have certainly forgotten how to be ladies in our day and age and men have forgotten how to be gentleman! So its hard to find Mr. Perfect.

I came across a quote the other day that simply said "I may not have found Mr. Perfect, but I found Mr. Right for Me!" I think that has been my problem in finding someone who can handle me. I thought I found Mr. Perfect a couple of years ago. I knew the day I fell in love with him that I would one day be his wife. Did you know that Mr. Perfect though is not the same as Mr. Right for Me. Thing of the matter is Mr. Perfect seems to vaguely defined. Your perfect is not my perfect nor is it little Susie's perfect either. We all want the house, the car, the kids, the boat, the same last name as the person we fell in love with but we all know that fairy tales do not exist anymore. Now we split the house, you have the kids this weekend and I the next, I took the car in exchange for you keeping the boat. People no longer work on their relationships/marriages but instead they bolt out the door for the next Perfect. 

Well let me tell you, I have met a lot of "Perfects at the Times" but now I'm looking for what is going to be right for me. I need someone who can accept me for who I am, someone who can love me at my worst, and most off all someone who is wanting to do something with their life. I mean really... if you're miserable with your life then you too will be miserable with our life. That was a hard lesson learned but I'm glad I learned it sooner than later. 

Away from my fairy tale kick...

I am pretty sure that I am officially smitten with my new friend!! You know, Jack from the other post!! I have had the opportunity to spend more time with him and each time we are together I just feel a stronger connection with him. I find myself hoping that every time my phone dings it's a new message from him because I know he'll put a smile on my face! I just love that feeling I get when I am with him. This morning though was the last time I will get to spend time with him til the beginning of the year! :( He gets to travel to see his family this coming week while the week after I will be on vacation with my family and it wont be til New Years that I will be able to see that face that puts this smile on mine! I guess all the more to look forward to right? 

Well my birthday is officially one month away as of today!! I am going to be a quarter century old. I dont know how I feel about that yet but what I do know is that I need to start figuring out what I am going to do for my birthday! I have both weekends before and after off (my birthday HAS to come up on a Monday in 2013) so maybe I'll just find myself celebrating here, there and everywhere! I am so excited to celebrate another year of my life because after these past couple of months... I think I deserve it!! I deserve to celebrate my life, my future, my well-being because Lord knows I almost lost myself a couple months back but NEW AND IMPROVED STEPHANIE is out and ready to take what has always been rightfully mine - my happiness! 

When You Least Expect It!

Some days the whole world seems upside down and then somehow, improbably and when you least expect it, the world rights its self again.

You know that "Ah Ha" moment we all get. The one that kind of explains answers to questions that you had days, months, maybe even years ago! Well I've had those moments a lot over the past couple of days. Its been like some kind of realignment. I am not really sure how to put it all into perspective just yet but I feel more clarity than I have in the last couple of months. 

I've made a plan for advancement with my job and I have the full support of my boss (which is an awesome bonus; she is the only person I have ever worked for that cares more about the employee then looking at us as just a replaceable #). I've made the decision, at this point, to hold off on any more school since I already have all the classes needed for nursing classes minus the actual NUR courses that I have to be in the program to take. I plan on using that time to find my center wholly and completely so that my main focus will remain on nursing school and nursing alone. I've allowed a lot of distractions in my life which is why I am in this boat in the first place but this gal is playing no more. 

After really putting some thought into it... I finally took some advice from a friend, Tiff, and decided that I should go out. An hour. One hour can change everything, forever. An hour can save your life. An hour can change your life. Sometimes an hour is just a gift we give ourselves. For some, an hour can mean almost nothing. For others, an hour means all the difference in the world but in the end, it’s still just an hour. One of many, many more to come. Sixty minutes, thirty six hundred seconds, that’s it and it starts all over again and who knows what the next hour might hold [Thanks Grey's Anatomy <3]. I've now been out for the 2nd time as of last night. 

The 1st guy I met up with, we'll call him Jake, was a little quirky and I could tell from the moment he opened his mouth he just wasnt for me. I thought it was just me sabotaging the night and so I pushed thru it and tried to find some kind of connection but ended up leaving Jake empty handed because the night was over when I told him I was just not that interested! haha Jake was a gentleman even when the gay guy turned straight at the bar was trying to tear me away from him. He watched as I danced with my new gay/straight friend and then when he realized the other guy's intentions and followed me around like a puppy dog. I am not the kind of girl that wants a puppy... I have one! I need a man in my life who wants to be that... A MAN! He walked me to my car that night and attempted the whole goodnight kiss - it reminded me of 7th grade when Josh Rackley tried kissing me inbetween the buses at the end of the school day and I turned my face so he couldn't kiss me on the lips - I pulled a Heisman! My first time out with someone since August and he thought he'd be the one with the privilege... SIKE!

On another note, You know when you meet someone and you have an instant connection - that is what I felt last night. The guy I was with last night was the complete opposite, from the time I stepped out of the car to the time I stepped back in he had me hooked. We'll call him Jack! There is something about Jack's personality that I can't get my hands around, something that draws me in every time I look into his eyes. I'd be lying if I didn't say he was too good to be true... but a gal can wish right? Looking forward to my next night out with him! 

Its nice to have things to look forward to again. I've been so bogged down with work and school and now I am about to have some more time to spend thinking about myself so I am soooooooo looking forward to that aspect. I decided to celebrate that by buying myself a ring like my engagement ring... yes I did! I loved everything about that ring but now it just sits there staring back at me every morning by the bathroom sink because I will not put it back on my finger because of all the pain the boy that put it on my finger caused however I've let it be a constant reminder for some reason of that pain by leaving it on the sink and I'm tired of looking at it. I deserve to be happy, times were hard but I'm built tough!!! Oval Blue Topaz center stone with Lab-Created White Sapphire and Diamond Frame! I cannot wait to pick it up from the store... did I mention it also comes with a matching necklace?

It'll be great to put this beauty on my finger and tuck the old one away with all the other wedding paraphernalia. 

Just Because Everyone is Asking...

Thanks to Dr. G!

Losing Weight by Eating Right!

#1 Count Calories!!

Easiest to count: found on every food label

Produces BEST RESULTS

How many Calories? The Magic 3 Week Rotation!

Weeks 1&2: 600-800 Non-Protein Calories/day
Don’t count the protein calories, they’re free. These smaller portions begin shrinking your stomach by as much as 80%

Week 3: 1000-1200 non-protein cal/day
this is essential to prevent metabolic slow down from the very low cal weeks 1&2

Repeat this 3 wk rotation of 2wks low, 3rd wk high

Critical: Keep Written Record

#2 Wake up and Eat
First meal must be high in protein and low in carbs

1. Within 3 hours of waking up

2. Protein: 30 grams or more

3. Carbs 4-10 grams [net carbs]

4. Burns 40% extra fat over the next 24 hrs

(if the 1st meal you eat is HIGH IN CARBS, LOW IN PROTEIN such as cereal, biscuit, bagel, fruit juice, etc then your body stops burning fat for 12 hours – you lost half your day of dieting)
First Meal: 30 grams or more of protein
Protein Shake: mix with water, never milk
Protein Bar: any combination to give you 30+ grams but watch calories

Lunch: Diet Dinner
Better if contains more than 15 grams of protein
Any brand you like: South Beach Diet Dinner, Lean Cuisine, Healthy Choice, Smart Ones, etc

Supper: Diet Dinner [same as above]

Snack:

Sugar free jello

Fruit, 2 pieces a day

Beef Jerky

Veggies

Protein Bar





Protein:
1. Necessary to burn fat
80-100 grams a day
twice a day

2. Fat burning effect at first meal
30 grams or more within 3 hrs of waking up burns 40% more fat over 24 hrs.

3. Cuts Appetite
Especially liquid protein shakes & power crunch bars

4. Free calories – Rarely converted into Fat
Don’t count protein calories – they’re free!


Low Fat Proteins
1. Beef jerky

2. Beef: filet, 96% fat free ground beef, round steak, flank steak, sirloin, t-bone

3. Canadian Bacon

4. Cheese, fat free (best is Kraft Fat Free SHARP Cheddar)

5. Chicken, Never Fried

6. Cottage Cheese

7. Egg Whites

8. Hot Dogs, fat free

9. Luncheon meats, low fat

10. Pork

11. Protein bars

12. Protein Drinks/Powders
a. Never use SOY Protein powders, Soy stops thyroid conversion to active thyroid hormone thereby slowing metabolism.
b. Never use milk, which contains fat producing hormone estrone, not even skim milk

13. Seafood, never fried

14. Tuna, packed in water

15. Turkey

16. Yogurt

Free Protein Calories : How to

1. Find the grams of protein on the label, we’ll use 13 g

2. Multiply the grams of protein by 4, This equals the calories of protein.
a. 13g x 4g/cal = 52 free protein calories

3. Find the calories per serving on the nutrition label, we’ll say 80 calories per serving

4. Subtract the FREE protein calories (from step #2, 52 free protein calories ) from the total calories (from step #3, 80)
a. 80-52 = 28 TRUE calories
This equals the TRUE CALORIES, only count the TRUE CALORIES = 28 cal
However, if there are 3 servings per container and you eat the whole box then you must multiply the true calories times three.
3 x 28 = 84 True Calories
The TRUE calories are what you write down towards your 600-800 or 1000-1200 calories a day.


Your body rarely converts protein into fat
When it does, it takes 5 calories of energy to turn 4 calories of protein into fat ~ a net loss of fat.
Labels always list grams of food
There are 4 cal in 1 gram of protein
Multiply the grams of protein on the label times 4 to convert to calories:
4 x grams of protein = calories of protein.

Long Term Goals and Maintenance

1. Change your thinking about
a. Portion size – the single most important change
b. Food choices
c. Drink choices
d. Speed – it takes 20 minutes after eating for that “had-enough” signal to reach the brain, so eat slowly, pause, eat a little more, then stop.

2. Exercise – 4-6 times a week, 30 min or more non-stop

3. Tackle little weight gains (10-15 lbs) quickly and efficiently.

Some Bad Choices

Starches
1. Bread

2. Pasta

3. Potatoes

4. Rice

5. Corn (Popcorn is ok)

6. Beans (string beans is ok)

7. Wheat products (cereals, biscuits, croutons, bagels, crackers, pancakes, waffles, etc)

Sugars
1. Candy

2. Cookies

3. Fruit juices

4. Soft drinks

5. Sweet tea

6. Chocolate

7. Ice cream

8. Pastry

Bad Fruits
1. Bananas

2. Grapes

3. Raisins

4. Dates

5. Figs

6. Avocados

7. Olives

Alcohol – Alcohol turns off the enzymes that burn fat. Three drinks will stop your body from burning fat for 48 hours.
Hint: Save alcohol for one day a week
Best Drink: Wine spritzer (white wine, club soda or diet 7-up/diet sprite)

As for working out made by an ex: Thanks Mo!
Do not feel as though you must do all of these or in that order... I sure dont! hahah

Monday - warm up
Parallel squats 4x16
Leg curls 4x12
Hip Abductor machine 4x20
Cardio 30 minutes
Ab workout - 4x30 each exercise [box crunch, leg raises, plank, Bicycle kicks]

Tuesday - warm up
Lunges with minimal weight 16 each leg x 4
Bicep curls 4x16
a Tricep machine of your choice! [you dont wanna get jacked] 4x16
Hip adductor 4x20
Cardio 30 minutes
Ab workout - 4x20

Wednesday - Off or just cardio

Thursday - warm up
Leg extensions 4x16
back extension 4x16
chest press 4x16
Calf raises 30seconds FAST
Assisted pull ups 4x12
Cardio 30 minutes
Mondays Ab workout

The next workout can be done either Friday or Saturday depending on how sore you are

Fri/Sat - Warm up
Seated Lat pulldown machine 4x16
Tricep Ext. with rope on cable apparatus 4x16
Wall sit 1 minute, 1:15, 1:30, 1:00, then 1:45 =)
***a random exercise of your choice 4x16 you gotta have fun***
Cardio 20-30 min.
Tuesdays Ab workout

Sun- Off

To be honest... its all about what you put into it. If you know that you are eating bad then obviously you arent going to see a lot of results. By no means am I saying to give up anything or everything to start losing weight. Its about portion control and most of all self control. Its also about find someone to keep you accountable. Victoria and I have kept each other motivated and helped to keep each other's eyes on the prize. Some days we go alone so you dont necessarily need to be tied at the hip but it helps to have that person light a fire under your butt every now and again! If anyone has any questions or needs some encouragement feel free to shoot me an email or find me on facebook!

Things Happen

"There don’t have to be harps playing, or birds singing, or rose petals falling from the sky. And there are definitely days when the romance is dead… but if you look around, things are pretty amazing. So stop for a second, enjoy the beauty, feel the magic, drink it in because it won’t last forever. The romance will fade, things will happen, people will change, love will die but maybe not today."

Its been almost 2 months since my last post and BOY have things happened! So many changes, events, & mishaps.

The biggest change that occurred was on November 5th when I got out of class... I adopted a sweet sweet annoying black lab pup named Spider but that name was changed that evening to Shadow! He has been the apple of my eye (along with Charlie) since! Given everything that has happened in the last 5 months, my babies are the reason that I wake up every day. Its not about taking care of myself anymore but I have two lives that depend on me day in and day out. Shadow has been more than just a dog but quite honestly he has been a life saver. Charlie well he's been the same since I got him, he's been loving and affectionate when he wants to but is very independent. Shadow on the other hand has made me get off the couch... he has me up and walking/running the area again like I did when I lived in Boone. He makes me get out of the apartment even if it is for just a few short minutes to let him pee and just like Charlie he has been loving and affectionate in his own way but makes me feel like he needs me! 

These past 2 months have been full of ups and downs. I've missed being with my family and being close to them but I've been lucky to see them more than I have probably seen them all year. I've spent some weekends in Chapel Hill and another in Fayetteville, I missed that place but most of all I've missed my friends there. You know at moments I forgot about what was going on back home that I was actually able to let loose and have fun... but then every time I came home I would be reminded of all the bad things that happened. For whatever reason, someone in my circle of friends has decided that they need to take it upon themselves to give every detail of my life to my ex. Whoever this person is doesnt seem to realize they are driving a wedge further between us because we dont talk as it is and when we did it was never really nice. Despite those setbacks, I have been trying to find myself again. I even went to the movies by myself one afternoon in order to just have some alone time. 

I've been throwing around an idea of writing a book lately. I've been told that I have a knack for writing and people have enjoyed reading about the setbacks in my life. However, I feel like if I write a book then I am going to go for more of a Carrie Bradshaw/Sex & the City kinda book! hahah 

I have started going out again and even got offered just last night to be someone's baby's momma! hahah I still have to think Lisa for that save! 

Wanna talk about a story?? 

Chapter 3

[First Chapter would be a prelude of everything that has happened to build up to what would compile the book and Chapter 2 would be the icebreakers]

It's 10pm on a Sunday evening and nothing to do so Lisa and I decided to take ourselves to the streets of Winston Salem - NO we are not hookers! ;) They were celebrating the 2nd Annual Santacon downtown. This is where a bunch of guys and gals dress up in their best Santa gear and goes barhopping. Finnigan's Wake was the first stop on the list for the night. We were not participating in Santacon but I thought it would be entertaining to at least go and watch a bunch of drunk Santas. Finnigan's was full of drunks and wasnt all that fun so we decided to down our drinks and head to a place we could dance. As soon as I step outside the door, we were met with blue lights and a crowd drawing as police were gathering around the front of a car. I, being my nosey self, decided to see what was going on when I noticed a girl lying there. This girl had been hit by a car. Not even thinking, I immediately jump into action. I asked the servers of Finnigan's to grab me some gloves and some clean towels and check this girl out. Girl was obviously in shock as she could barely get words out of her mouth at first as she just looked at me with her hands held out with the look on her face of "did that just happen?". As the police and I asked her questions she started to talk a little more. I applied pressure to her head from her wound and we kept her spine straight the best we could until the paramedics arrived. As with just about any paramedic they pushed me right out of the way as if I had no idea what I was doing! Oh well! I did my good deed for the night! 

We walked down the road, since they had the rest of the street blocked off, to the District. I love the roof top because its such a beautiful view of the city. They had a band but not enough people so once again we found ourselves out in search for a better time. We found ourselves at Elixir for the rest of the evening. There was a guy that just about knocked Lisa over while we were standing at the bar so what do I do? I push him back and I asked him what he was thinking pushing a girl out of the way. The look on his face was priceless from the second his jaw dropped as I could tell he wasnt used to someone calling him out for his blatant disrespect. He finally was able to stammer out that he was sorry and I told him he needed to make it up to her and buy her a drink [which she refused, crazy woman!]. Ultimately, he and I struck up conversation and he introduced me to his friends. Here was where I learned the man was gay. He ended up buying me a drink and a shot before asking me to dance. After a few dances, he begins to tell me how he thought I was beautiful and puts a ring on my left hand as they play Beyonce's "Single Ladies" and pulls out his cell and shows me a picture of his 6 year old son. At this point, he was drunk and slurring words but he always got out "I need to know that you are in this for the long haul, this boy is my world and he needs mom that is going to be in his life without running, every girl runs when I talk to them about the whole package that comes with me" clear as a bell. I tried to be nice and I let him off gently but he just wasnt going to have it. I finally looked at him and told him I was going to go back to the bar and see my friend that I came with. He about threw a hissy fit saying that I was just running, he knew I would when he told me about his kid. hahaha I didnt even know how to respond... just earlier in the evening he told me he was gay! This went on for a while and finally Lisa stepped in and told him to cut the crap after I walked him outside and left him out there. 

The guy vanished after that!

So that is just a little taste of what I have in my arsenal but I will definitely have to start putting up more posts as these crazy nights progress!