Faith is believing in what is true. Faith has two elements: 1) being convinced of the truth, being certain of reality, having evidence of unseen things, and 2) believing, hoping in, embracing, seizing the truth.
Today I chose to walk in faith. These days the truth is hard to come by. It seems everywhere around you, you find yourself surrounded by liars. There are the good lies, the bad lies, and the outright malicious lies. Today has a been a little harder than the past couple of days because I want so bad to fall back into some of my old habits and old feelings but I am choosing to walk by faith and see that there is something God has in store for me that is far greater than my past. I am hoping that God is going to put forth something so great for me that I am going to look back and wonder what was I ever thinking.
I spent most of my day sitting which gave me a lot of time to ponder. It didnt seem to matter how much I tried to keep my mind preoccupied on other things, I always seem to come back to the certain issues on my current situation. I found myself talking to a friend who has found her Mr. Right after being engaged to Mr. Wrong just as I had. She made me think awfully hard about just sitting back and letting the world pass me by. I bet she didnt even realize she made me think that hard! haha Here I have been standing on my own two feet and I have found myself getting happier and happier everyday... but I still feel like something is missing/not right.
So the search is on! It's time to find what I've been missing. Find that missing link in my chain. Maybe its moving out and fully moving on with my life. Here I talk to Ryan just about everyday still and while I want nothing more than to be amicable he always tries to reel me in just to cast that line back out and cut it loose. I dont fully understand what is still going on in his head. I'm not here to play games... just as I told him - I dont care about his feelings towards me I and working on building myself back up and I dont need to see or hear about girls throwing themselves at him... or him telling me about a friend of mine telling him how nice of a guy he is so they flirt over facebook and carry on like we didnt have a relationship and when they both get called out on it all of a sudden deny anything is going on or his old romping partner that likes to throw herself at everybody else's guys (which is how she got the guy she had been dating while Ryan and I were together & pretty convenient she's single all of a sudden). I'm over the pettiness of "friends" that were two-faced during my relationship and gave me the whole "I'm here for you" bit and yet have been MIA. I've got guys throwing themselves at me but do I flaunt that all over facebook, do I put pictures up of it, do I throw it in his face... NO because I'm over it. I'm not allowing someone else to humiliate not only him but myself. None of those girls have any respect for me, my feelings, or our relationship which is where a lot of our problems stemmed from during the relationship. Once again, like I told him... if he didnt care to protect me during our relationship I do not expect him to protect me now.
All that being said, it comes back full circle that only I can protect myself from the hurt, pain, or guilt. I cannot let someone else be a backseat driver to my emotions. I have to keep my head up high and continue to take one small step forward everyday because at this point... baby steps are just as important as giant leaps. I choose to keep the faith - to believe in the unseen, to hope, to embrace, and to seize every opportunity that comes my way for I am the only one that can control my destiny.
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