Said Yes to the Dress!

But the most exciting, challenging and significant relationship of all is the one you have with yourself. And if you find someone to love the you that you love, well, that's just fabulous. 

- Carrie, Sex and the City

Back in July, I went to pick out a wedding dress with my mother. It was the very 1st time I ever tried on dresses and I knew what I wanted but I was terrified to try it on in fear that I would not be as in love with the dress as I was in my dreams. You know that whole childhood fantasy every woman has of the perfect wedding, well that dress was the biggest part of mine.

Pre-breakup I was a bit on the heavier side of my scale (bigger than what I wanted to be)! I knew I was going to lose some weight for the wedding so I ordered a size smaller than what I actually needed. The dress came in after Ryan moved out of course and when I put it on... it was absolutely ENORMOUS! I have lost 50 lbs now and so when I went to my appt today at David's Bridal I had expected to go down a dress size when in fact I went from women's sizes to regular sizes and the jump from the smallest woman's size to the largest regular size was a 3 size difference so I was a bit skeptical going down but when they took one look at me they went down another size and had me try on that dress. It was 4 dress sizes down and PERFECT and BEAUTIFUL!!! I now cannot wait for the day that I am able to get married and wear such a beautiful dress. Not to mention they even threw in a hairpiece for kicks! Boy, I wish I was standing by Ryan's side on June 15th at 3pm wearing that dress but looks like that dress is going to have to wait for another time, another date, and looking beautiful beside another tux! =/

Feeling so B-E-A-U-TIFUL today certainly made my day.

But, WAIT, THERE'S MORE! For 19.99 you get ... just kidding. No infommertial here!

I went into work for a couple extra hours this evening just took myself busy (and happy of course) and got to talk to a friend who I just so happened to be relieving and he kicked my happiness level up a notch. I dont know if its just a female thing but sometimes guys just know the right thing to say and just the right time (not even in a flirtatious manner). Its nice to have guy friends that want to be just that... a friend! The next few hours went by quick and then it was off to the gym.

Now the gym has become part of my everyday routine these days. I love that I have Victoria to help me be accountable when it comes to going to the gym! I love that she has as much drive as I do when it comes to being healthy. It makes such a huge difference when you constantly have someone to motivate you and to be honest I feel like a horrible person when I think for a second that I dont want to go to the gym because I feel like I'll let her down and I love that she is always up for that challenge!

I have so much to be thankful for today that I honestly do not know where to start. I love that every day lately has been filled with hope and happiness and for once I feel like I can keep my head above water (no meds needed)! I filled out a survey yesterday that in part made me think so much yesterday and two of the questions were "Do you feel like other people are the cause of your troubles?" and "Do you feel like someone else controls your actions?" and my honest answer was no. I thought to myself, in the 1st few days of this blog I placed blame on others and occasionally still do but overall I've been alot happier since the time I realized only I can control my actions, only I can control my emotions, and only I can control how I react to what others do to me. That alone put a lot of things into perspective for me. So while I did mention 2 people in my blog yesterday... you both know who you are, I ended up offending another. Like I told her today, my intentions are not to offend anyone especially not someone I dont mean to or has nothing to do with what has happened, I just simply want to be able to vent and share and get feedback because if I kept everything bottled up then I'm pretty positive my whole world would come crashing down and someone would find me later hanging from my shower (graphic I know but truth). That's not the person that I am and that's certainly not the person I want to be. I've gone thru more difficult things in my past then most people will ever go thru in their lives to include losing my 1st child. Not many people know that outside of my family but at the same time I think people need to know that when it comes to me... you truly have no idea what I've dealt with and what I continue to deal with so dont pretend like you know what I'm going thru.

On an end note (and to bring this back to a positive side) I just want to continue to follow this path of happiness I am on. It makes a world of difference for me when I keep myself busy (the whole working almost 60hrs a week) because I, now, really believe that idle hands do the devil's work. I cannot seem to stay out of trouble unless I keep myself busy! hahah Good thing is... I have lots to look forward to in the next couple of weeks. Charlie and I are moving to the other side of town and I will be closer to 2 two lovely ladies, school, and work. I need to get a move on on my quest for finding some moving boxes or I may just wait and pack up everything in the car in bins and move things over slowly over a couple of days and then enlist the help of some wonderful guys (with trucks of course) and move the big stuff!

I am beyond excited as I feel like I am getting ready to start over. A new lease on life and of course a new lease on an apartment. Things are finally looking up and I am loving every second of it!